Mostly I like to keep out of office politics, except when it’s super juicy. Then I am ALL about the office politics. Like how Regina just borrowed a few thousand off her former best friend Quinn, and then Quinn saw her yesterday with new shoes and she was all like “I lent you money to pay for the worthy cause of your new conservatory extension, not for shoes!” And then they had a big fight in the break-room and the friendship was over. Filled a good fifteen minutes of time at the end of the day, which is a win for me.
Then there was Michael’s screaming row with his mother over the phone on the subject of his new flashy tattoo. He went on holiday, found what was (according to him) the best tattoo artists in New Delhi and thought that he’d take advantage of this incredible, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He was never going to find a tattoo parlour this good again, so he said. This was the time…the time to get a tattoo of Jacinta on his leg. And even hearing one side of the conversation, that made it all crystal clear for me, because everyone knows that Michael’s mother looks down on Jacinta for her profession as a roadkill-exclusive taxidermist.
Now Michael has a permanent tattoo of this woman’s face on his leg, and that’s pretty much marriage for an enlightened 21st century. You wouldn’t call this one a blazing row, because Michael spent most of it crying under his desk while trying to explain to his utterly livid mother that he loved Jacinta and all of her strange quirks, like how she had an entire room in her home devoted to pickled arachnids.
Oh boy, we’re talking some premium drama. I’m hoping when he tells her about the New Delhi tattoo shop he’s planning to purchase in Jacinta’s honour, he does it right at his desk. I’m also hoping Michael doesn’t get phones banned in the office, because that would be problematic for me. Then I would have to do work, or at least look like I’m working.