The Family Home

Looks like the family dream is going to be fulfilled after all: we’re getting a giant house where we can all live. Thanks go to Uncle Joseph, who never wanted anything to do with any of us but also mysteriously left us his gigantic country mansion in his will. So…that’s fun. It’s a rent-free existence and most of us are frugal so we’re all pretty keen to move in as soon as possible.

Uncle Joseph always was pretty standoffish. He had a lot to do with property development and investing, so he’s got quite a large portfolio that’ll just keep on giving. He was also the worst human being I’ve ever met, hence why he lived here alone. It was the only house big enough to hold all of his ego, with just enough space for him to squeeze in at the end. Ask any of the property advocates working in Melbourne and they probably have pictures of him up on the wall surrounded by a red border with the words ‘DANGER: DO NOT ACCEPT CALLS FROM THIS MAN. VERY GRUMPY’.

I’m sure if he’d lived a few years later, he’d be the type of person who bought homes online. He’d just go on E-Buy, add a few homes to his cart, head to the checkout and buy them in one click, never having to talk to another human soul. Instead, he needed property advocates and the like, and that meant human interaction, and I pity all the advocates and real estate agents and accountants who had to talk to him.

Then again, I’m trying to figure out what’s worse: that, or living with Grandma Adeola. She does NOT stop talking, about war stories and knitting club stories and stories that WE told her that she’s convinced herself were hers.

We’ll give her an entire wing to herself and push back on the idea of daily communal breakfast.