Heat On Tourism

What’s with all the tourists going to Melbourne? Honestly, how are we supposed to keep up with this stuff on the tourist board of Australia if everyone keeps changing their mind about where they want to go? First it was Perth because everyone flocked to see the heating grid. Eventually, that went pear-shaped and now it’s just the thrill-seekers. Then, it became all about Brisbane and how clean the streets were… still don’t fully understand that one.

Canberra, air conditioning capital of the Australia, had a brief surge, but now it’s all about Melbourne and the lemurs. And the other stuff, too, I guess. I don’t know, Melbourne has too much going on, even without plans to re-re-re-open that haunted mansion as a fun-house for children, which sounds like the plot to a very macabre horror film.

Now the Canberra people want a bigger push on the air con stuff because they don’t feel like they got their due, but it’s coming into winter, so more people are going to be into heating anyway. I’ve been on the phone to the Canberra tourism coordinator a thousand times, and I always say the same thing: “Look, if you want people to come and see you for the sake of outstanding indoor climate control, then you need to work with the seasons.”

They just don’t listen. In fact, they still seem to think that they can just hammer in the cooling thing and everyone will flock to their great capital on the strength of the air conditioning alone. I mean, Canberra has some stuff going on just by virtue of being the capital, but if they want people to swing by in the winter, heating is where it’s at. It needs to be authentic, too. Specifically, the heating repair companies Canberra locals use themselves need to band together and do something of interest to tourists, like put on an immersive winter festival in the botanic gardens. Then people might come to see them.

Failing that, just slap a giant lava cave right underneath the city. That worked for Perth, for a little while. The movie rights alone were worth millions.

-J. Nguyen