Podiatrists, and Greta

The one saving grace of this new underwater nation is that no one’s really going to have any foot problems. People will be swimming around instead, so they’ll barely touch the ground, probably not even in their domes, which will be full of water too, I’m guessing. Essentially, the only reason people will have domes in the first place is so you can designate your private space, and not get murdered while you sleep. Oh golly, people will be sleeping in water as well. What a strange sensation that’ll be.

But overall, it’s a win for old Greta, because I have no plans of moving underwater, and neither will the podiatrist clinics open in Cheltenham. Why would they? Are they going to make most of their living providing people with flippers? I think that part of the underwater infrastructure is taken. 

No, the podiatrists are staying on land, with me, old Greta. The way things are going, it’s starting to look like it’ll just be me and the podiatrists, so I’ll have my pick of the bunch. I’ll get up in the morning, massage my aching feet, slip into my compression stockings and choose which podiatrist to go to that morning. All of their advertising will be aimed squarely at me, of course…big signs outside every single podiatrist clinic in Melbourne: ‘Great come here!’. ‘Best foot treatments for Greta’. ‘Custom Great orthics fitted, just for you!’. ‘Special price if your name is Greta’.

Yes, it’s going to be terribly peaceful. In a way, I’ll be glad that I have serious and chronic foot problems; if I didn’t, there would be no one to talk to! As it stands, it looks like I’ll have to board one of those new water traversal spheres and go down to see my friends in their new underwater paradise, although I’m not going scuba diving. They can make some custom orthotics for flippers all they like, but it’s not happening, for the same reason I’m staying on the land: I don’t like getting my hair wet. Also, it’s overall a silly idea.