(B)ute Times

Among my fondest childhood memories are those involving my mum’s trusty ute. Weekends away at my grandparents’ farm, the dogs planted excitedly in the back, were a highlight. So was doing the rounds at hard rubbish time in search of the most outlandish outdoor seating arrangement, and picking up a winter’s worth of firewood before …

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Village of the Jammed

Katrina has her mind set on ‘scaling up’, and it’s starting to make me uncomfortable. I mean, we’re a small jam business, not a Silicon Valley startup. It’s great that she’s taking financial growth seriously; I just don’t know if we’re equipped to bring in more people at this point. Where are going to put …

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I En-Treat You

Persuading people to invest in an idea is never easy. In fact, it’s one of the trickiest skills I’ve ever tried to master, which is possibly why I’ve spent so much time working on it. Now, people assume that it must come naturally to me, which is annoying. It’s just as hard for me as …

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Hospitals: Healthy?

Hospitals are such weird places. It’s like, they’re ostensibly about health and healthcare, and yet they’re deeply permeated with illness and injury. As soon as you set foot in one, you immediately feel your health points drop – unless, of course, you’re urgently in need of medical treatment that you can receive only in a …

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Anyone Out There?

You’d think responding to one email wouldn’t be so hard. I’ve sown my oats across everyone’s inbox, because I need people from different departments to do a bit of work in designing Casey’s birthday card and custom plant display. You’d think one of them would have responded by now, and you would have thought wrong, …

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Such Illogical Requests

I simply must organise the parking situation. It’s very important. Goodness, ever since I assumed direct control over this office by impersonating Sandrine, it’s been non-stop people-pleasing. Everyone wants something, and even the new and improved version of Sandrine I have crafted is finding it hard to keep up, especially when people want opposite things. …

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Human Budget Crisis

Human Classes are certainly getting crowded. It used to just be a cluster of wizards who never really talked to anyone else, an alien, an android and the occasional inter-dimensional monster of some variety, but now it’s just exploded. There’s that jolly nice fellow from Atlantis, the new time traveller who thinks he’s better than …

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Submarines, Roll Up!

If I was going to be a Trans-Morpher, android incognito, I’d be the submarine. When I was a kid and everyone at my school watched the show, we’d all come in the day after each episode and discuss it. My mates would be all like ‘did you see that fight on the highway with the …

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Plants: Our Children

Oh, I’m weird am I? Is it weird to want to take care of the environment at all costs? Well, you know, I don’t even care. I’m a proud eco-warrior, and if people find it slightly strange that I’ve sewn a special pouch into my slouch bag that means I can keep a pot plant …

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