Such Illogical Requests

I simply must organise the parking situation. It’s very important. Goodness, ever since I assumed direct control over this office by impersonating Sandrine, it’s been non-stop people-pleasing. Everyone wants something, and even the new and improved version of Sandrine I have crafted is finding it hard to keep up, especially when people want opposite things. …

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Human Budget Crisis

Human Classes are certainly getting crowded. It used to just be a cluster of wizards who never really talked to anyone else, an alien, an android and the occasional inter-dimensional monster of some variety, but now it’s just exploded. There’s that jolly nice fellow from Atlantis, the new time traveller who thinks he’s better than …

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Submarines, Roll Up!

If I was going to be a Trans-Morpher, android incognito, I’d be the submarine. When I was a kid and everyone at my school watched the show, we’d all come in the day after each episode and discuss it. My mates would be all like ‘did you see that fight on the highway with the …

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Plants: Our Children

Oh, I’m weird am I? Is it weird to want to take care of the environment at all costs? Well, you know, I don’t even care. I’m a proud eco-warrior, and if people find it slightly strange that I’ve sewn a special pouch into my slouch bag that means I can keep a pot plant …

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Gateway Gripes

I’m not sure about our front door. I don’t trust it for security, for starters – it’s so old that it looks like you could kick it in with ease. Actually, I think I could kick it in, and that’s saying something. I’m just waiting for the day that someone decides to try it. Then …

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Heat On Tourism

What’s with all the tourists going to Melbourne? Honestly, how are we supposed to keep up with this stuff on the tourist board of Australia if everyone keeps changing their mind about where they want to go? First it was Perth because everyone flocked to see the heating grid. Eventually, that went pear-shaped and now …

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I’m Not Sure

You know when people say ‘sure’, and they actually mean ‘oh gosh, please no, anything but that’? Yeah, that’s been going around a lot lately. People keep asking me for things, and I’m such a chronic people-pleaser that I simply can’t help but say yes. I don’t actually say yes, to be fair. I say …

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Banish Your Stress

Bah, stress! I’m always stressed, and do you know how I deal with it? I don’t. It eats away at me night and day, having totally consumed my sanity long ago, hence why I might have tried to create a brain-control machine that would make all people named ‘Dylan’ do my bidding at the flick …

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Unleash the Lemurs

Lemurs. For real, lemurs. It’s time to face the facts that lemurs don’t belong in captivity; they should be running wild in their natural habitat. And that natural habitat…is an urban jungle. Man, just think about how cool that would be! We set them all free and they become the new magpies, just everywhere at …

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